Stop picking your face. My mom told me this in the latter years of high school, when I alone continued what she started. Now my husband tells me to stop, as I asked him to remind me, even while we were only dating. But, even though I don’t want to, and I ask others to help me stop, I still pick my face. Because I want to.
Since I love to write, I am majoring in English. I enjoy getting to write in my classes. I love when classes finish and I go to work, a place where I write news about engineering. Then I go home to write essays for homework, sometimes in English and sometimes in French. Finally, as the moon shines and my vision dulls, I go to sleep.
Unfortunately, while I write frequently, time seems to allow no opportunity for writing in my own desired works—my blog and my novel. But, I go to school because I want to. I work because I like it and I need it. And because I go to school and because I work, I don’t do what I want to do.
Welcome to my conflict. While the world over the outer conflict, I’m stuck with this internal dilemma.
What do I do when what I want to do conflicts with what I want to do?
In a book, characters experiencing similar questions are said to have internal conflict. It’s like Katniss trying to decide if she loves Peeta or Gale (or if she’s simply a scared girl trying not to die).
Relatable.
In real life, people dealing with these questions should refer to this psychological term: Cognitive dissonance. When two ideas or beliefs come into conflict, due to an inconsistency, and cause distress.
Psychology classes commonly use a smoker’s cognitive dissonance as an example to describe the term and explain the possible solutions. Essentially, a person, John, who smokes does it because they enjoy it. However, when John realizes it is bad for him, he thinks he should stop smoking. The smoker experiences conflict, or cognitive dissonance, as long as he continues smoking while knowing/believing that he should not.
For me, it’s easy to see this as a conflict between what a person wants to do and what a person feels they should do. No one wants to live with distress and constant conflict, generally, so something needs to change.
The smoker can stop smoking and no longer experience this conflict. Change their behavior. This person can also continue smoking but ignore the thought that it’s bad. “I’m still healthy, so they must not be that bad for me.” Deny the conflict.
So, again, what do I do when what I want to do conflicts with what I want to do? When I want something deeper or longer-lasting, but it conflicts with something shorter lasting, but enticing.
For one, I can deny the conflict.
Sorry. Let me rephrase. I do deny the conflict. Each day I forfeit my desires to write in my personal works and I tell myself its “only because I’m too busy.” Although I prefer writing in my novel or for my blog, I remind myself that school takes priority. Because school takes priority, when I get home from classes or work, I do homework for a few minutes, sludge away from the keyboard and into the couch, and start a television show with my husband. Oh, and I almost never use any unique, extra occasions of free-time to do what I want to do: write.
Honestly, denial does not do me much good. So, I’m trying the other option. Change.
This article in itself verifies my efforts, as its the first time I’ve posted in my blog since the school semester started . . . in August. It’s taken a few failed weeks of attempting to post to actually put together a “finished” article. But, I’ve determined to prioritize what I truly want (something deeper and long-lasting).
I want to write. I want to avoid bad habits, like picking my face. And, I want to finish my day knowing I put the time I had to use.
Through little changes, I’m succeeding more and more each day. I stop more when I’m about to do something I might later regret, and I think What do I really want here? Is this what I want? Then, I answer myself honestly.
I try to recognize when I make a mistake, apologize to myself and all others I should apologize to, and move on. Sometimes, I even make a plan on how to avoid making that mistake next time (I won’t watch television on Monday and Wednesday, since I have more homework those days and I’ll have less time to write). Oh, and I’m more consistently making time for my goals, even if that time is minimal (hello ten minutes, let’s enjoy this together).
Cognitive dissonance, aka distress, is not fun. So, perk up buttercup! Avoid denial and make a little change. Although some circumstances limit our capacity to control certain aspects of our lives, it’s important to seize our small moments and use them purposefully. And, when you seize these moments and make that change, feel free to give yourself a reward. Positive incentives can certainly assist with improving motivation.
Well, thanks for reading my “time to change, Mandy” article. I’m going to continue to make a conscience effort to choose to do what I want to do, and hopefully, benefit my fellowmen (you guys) along the way. And, of course, that means the weekly posts are back! Thanks for the follows, I’ll be back next week.
Note: If what you truly want to do contains negative or harmful intent, please do not fulfill these desires. Reach out to others who can help you understand where these come from, and in applicable circumstances (which may be more than we assume), seek professional help. Thank you.
Read MRC 