Ever want to commit to a goal, but get scared to because you’re afraid of failure? You might think of all the people you’ll tell about the goal and wonder what they’ll think if you don’t achieve it. I knew they wouldn’t make. They aimed too high on that one. How awkward for them.
It feels embarrassing. Disheartening. Shameful.
So, the new year comes, and people start to make resolutions. They make goals, and you wonder if you should do the same—and if you decide to, do you share those goals or keep them secret?
I used to make and fail my new year’s resolutions annually. Looking back on it, I’m not sure I’ve ever succeeded at one. Regardless of if I did or not, the constant shortcoming of my ambitions never deterred me until after my first year of college. Up until that point, I believed I could achieve anything I desired.
I would become a professional soccer player. Somehow, perhaps after I retired from my soccer career, I would be a journalist located internationally. I would write and publish a book that actually got read. I’d do that all of that and manage to take care of a family.
But, when I served a mission in Canada, I had a few revelations. Family would need to come first in my life. I started to see that I couldn’t achieve all my goals and still prioritize my future husband and children. So, I relinquished my professional soccer player dream.
When I came back to the United States, I decided to move to Utah to surround myself with others who would also be pursuing values similar to mine, but I thought I would at least finish my athletic college career. But, getting back into shape was hard. Getting trained was expensive. I could barely afford my discounted rent as it was. . .
Bam. My competitive soccer dreams died completely.
Soon after, I realized that as much as some families could make constantly traveling around the world work, mine might not. And, over time as more and more things came into play, my international journalism dream died. Then, eventually, the entire journalism dream spat out its last light.
Dream after dream, dead and gone.
I stopped making new years resolutions. If I never achieved them anyway, why try? I thought I would make mini goals instead, and over a years time attempt to accomplish little by little. And, although most dreams had left me, I decided I could still finish my final one: write.
I’d write a book, and I’d write a blog. As I kept consistent, I imagined that I would gain a following, one way or another. Then, I could help others through these written works, and finally, I would live my dream.
Yes, I’d already proven so many “nay” sayers right, but at least in one area (the one that the most, but still very few, people seemed to believe I had potential) I’d prove the doubters wrong. You see, I never truly believed in shutting down the possibilities of what I could do.
When I focused in on this dream, my actions changed, and I finally became more consistent in my writing. I published in my blog for a whole year! I wrote over half of my book’s first draft! Everything seemed up: except for engagement.
Nobody cared about my posts. Nobody read them. And when the year ended and I felt I couldn’t carry on by myself, I looked for support. I heard the same thing as always: “I think you’ll fail.”
Embarrassed. Disheartened. Ashamed.
So, new year, new me? Should I just completely change again? Get new goals?
No. I’m going to keep trying. I’ll set small new goals, but the big one’s going to stay. I’m going to write. I’m also going to continue to share my goals because while others might think them naive, some might find them inspiring. Yes, those others have and will continue to say it’s pointless, but here’s the thing: when our goals do good for us and for others, we should not quit them easily. We need to embrace the embarrassment. Let our hearts stay light. Get confident, not ashamed. We may not change the world, but we can change the one—and if that one is yourself, I have a single thing to say:
Well done.
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