University, high school, elementary school. No matter the grade level or the age, going back to school can bring amounts of anxiety that topple over even the most confident, smartest students. As a person who qualifies as neither of those, I’ve surprisingly only felt slight dread at losing my summer freedom. Except for this year.
This year, I begin my last year of my undergraduate degree. For now, I don’t plan on doing more school after that. So, in one year’s time, I will officially be done with school. Possibly, for my entire life.
I know. You can take a second to step away from your device and breathe a few deep breaths.
That idea right there seems intimidating. Exciting, but scary. The past seventeen years I have lived my life going to classes, and soon I may never do that again. That certainly brings some anxiety.
Then, there’s all the other stuff.
- I took Spring and Summer term classes and I’m tired of studying.
- I am about to take the most credits I have ever taken, unfortunately and unavoidably.
- I did not practice French once, but many of my fellow students did . . . while in France.
- I have to audition to qualify for my new ballet class.
- I may not find a team to play with for my last chance to do intramurals.
- I need to start looking for jobs—real jobs.
- I don’t know if I’ll have time to do anything else but study.
- More stuff.
- Even more stuff.
- Even more of the more stuff.
I know: Yikes.
Unfortunately, my husband does not feel any more calm than I do. He has always dealt with start of school anxiety. In the past, before I felt it so immensely myself, I used to try to reassure him. I would remind him that it would feel better once he started. I would tell him to stay present in the moment. I would try to point out the exciting things that a new semester would bring.
This didn’t help.
Now, I’m in the same situation, and I am wondering, what do I do to help myself feel better about this? I’ve come to this conclusion: Accept it. Accept that I feel anxious and that might not change before school starts. Then, live on the best I can.
I could put energy towards ridding myself of these fluttering feelings. I could go through extensive coping exercises and maybe find peace for a time. That could work, but I’ve chosen not to do that. I’ve chosen not to do that because I’d rather focus the little energy I have toward something else. Like having fun, despite the anxiety.
Because I’m lucky enough to live with these anxious feelings temporarily, instead of traumatically, I can do this. The beginning of the school year makes me massively nervous. My pounding heart reminds me of that a few times each day. The beginning of the school year, however, will come and go, and so will these feelings.
So, rather than spend my last vacation days trying to change how I feel, I’m letting how I feel stay. This might not seem enjoyable, but I’ve found it somewhat enabling. You see, I could have gotten caught in a downward spiral of feeling anxious, worrying about feeling anxious, and creating more anxiety about trying not to feel anxiety. That’s happened before.
That negative build-up would have happened again, if I tried to fix everything in the two weeks before going to school. I’ve chosen not to let it happen, but to instead let my anxiety be and patiently live with it until the day it will inevitably dissipate. This has prevented my days from getting focused on my fear, as I try to fix it, and instead I’ve focused my days on the fun things: friends, family, and fulfillment.
Of course, this will not work for all. Some people live with anxiety that stays. Anxiety that prevents them from living their life. That requires time, effort, and extra help to change.
However, for those living with temporary anxiety like me, take the time to evaluate: Is this something I need to take time to change? Or, is this something I can live with until its soon-to-come, natural death? The answer will be in whatever helps you to experience your life most joyfully. But, if you’ve tried and fixing it has only increased your anxiety, talk about it to someone, and maybe attempt to accept it and live your life despite it, if possible. Regardless, I hope this gives you reassurance that you can still enjoy life, even with the start of school anxiety. School will begin and this will end, things will change for the better, and we’re in these struggles together.
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