You’ve likely read tips on how to achieve your goals. (If not, stay tuned. I’ll give my advice on that in future posts.) I think we focus on the process of success so much that we forget to teach about the process of failure. Here’s the truth: no one lives life with a 100 percent success rate. So, instead of leaving people to figure out failure on their own, I’m here to share how to fail at your goals gracefully.
What qualifies me? I’ve failed a lot. That, and I’ve read a few things.
Before we begin, here’s a background about my advice. It can only apply to a certain extent. Sure, some things are generally true for everyone (like how positivity will help improve our day-to-days). When it comes down to it, each person has different individual needs. Do your best to adapt what I say to your circumstances. Of course, I will always encourage the nay-sayers to try something new, but ultimately, we all have individual learning experiences we go through, and I’m not omniscient.
Now, what you’ve been waiting for: how to fail gracefully.
In any goal, I would not encourage you to assume you will fail. Mindset has a powerful effect upon our lives. It is more likely you will fail if you assume that outcome will happen. At the same time, one can believe they will succeed and have preparations in place for if they do not. The common proverb “don’t put all your eggs in one basket” points toward establishing this balance. For example, you can believe you will get accepted into your dream college, but you can prepare for other outcomes by applying to other colleges. It’s easier to experience failure if you have other options . . . and eggs.
That’s how you want to go into your goals. Prepared but believing you’ll succeed. I’m hoping all of you experience lots of success, in your short-term and long-term goals, but at some point, something reminds us we’re human. That something could be a rejection letter, a missed week of gym attendance, a piece of work that on second-look is more mediocre than impressive. We’re human and we fail.
When failure comes, do not force yourself to say, “I feel absolutely great about this! It’s one step closer to success!” If that’s genuinely how you feel, fantastic. However, if you feel sad about it, then feel sad about it. Do you want to stay stuck in the sad place forever? No. But life’s a journey and we must allow ourselves time to pass through these places in order to properly process the events that have occurred. In other words, it’s okay to be disappointed about failing.
As soon as possible, I also recommend encouraging yourself. This one might make you pause. If you’re like I used to be, you might be used to giving yourself encouragement when you succeed but not when you fail. However, when you have reached a low point, it becomes more critical to empower yourself with the hope and confidence that encouragement gives. Bolstering yourself up does not mean you have to skip out on feeling sad. I think the two can coexist.
For example, as an author, I set daily writing goals for myself. I have a certain amount of words I want to write every day. If I miss one of those days, I might feel disappointed in myself. Instead of letting that disappointment lead to negative self-talk, I can uplift myself. After all, you won’t go further in your aspirations if you push yourself down. While encouraging yourself, you might say, “I’m sad about this. It doesn’t feel good, but I’m a good [writer]. Today the goal didn’t happen, and that’s okay. I’ll try again tomorrow.”
To help yourself avoid negative self-talk, remember that failing is different from being a failure. By definition, a failure means a variation of things. When referring to a person, it typically means they are unsuccessful. The word becomes an all-encompassing characteristic. On the other hand, a person failing typically applies to a single incident. Sure, you might think about how you have many of these single incidents. Me too! That does not mean you are a failure. As it has been said, “Success isn’t the absence of failure, but going from failure to failure without any loss of enthusiasm.”
If your goal(s) lead to something good you truly want, do not give up! Remember that failing will happen an uncountable amount of times. How much sweeter will it make it, then, at that moment, when you don’t fail?
As you move forward from a failure, I recommend taking the time to consider why you might not have reached your goal. Don’t forget to avoid negative self-talk! I failed because I’m not good enough does not work. It’s too vague, and it makes it seem impossible for you to have positive outcomes. While evaluating what needs to change, try to think of concrete reasons you missed your goal. It might be that you didn’t plan properly ahead of time. Maybe you missed the smaller goals leading up to this one. Whatever the reason, use it to inform your next decision.
Sometimes we miss our goals (particularly our daily goals) because we have entered a busy season of life. People have school, pressing times at work, changes in family life, holidays, unexpected occurrences, etc. Your priorities might need to shift during these times. That’s okay! Use patience during these time periods. Try to catch sight of a time when you can return to your goals.
Meanwhile, you can maintain some momentum by making a small shift in your aim. For me, during busy seasons, I might try to write for ten minutes a day, rather than trying to write ten hundred words a day. Do what you can to connect to your passion/ambition, but allow yourself room to deal with the other things going on in your life.
If you have the time, but you still have a pattern of missing your goals, you may need to adjust them. That’s right! You can change your goals, even midway through. Ask yourself what adjustments you need to make. Are your goals feasible? You might need to make them smaller. For example, instead of aiming to spend an hour at the gym, go for thirty minutes instead. Let yourself develop a positive pattern. As you consistently achieve your smaller goals, you can gradually work up to larger ones. This will give you heart and hope.
No matter what, try to find the right balance for your spot in life. You can’t force the unreasonable to be reasonable.
Ultimately, remember you have worth and that goals should help with the improvement of our lives and the lives of those around us. If your goals are lowering your mental and emotional health, something should change. Whether it’s something I’ve mentioned previously (how you approach/think of your goals, the goal itself, etc.) or something else, I encourage you to find a safe way toward goals that will increase your capacity for joy, not lower it.
If you have loved ones who can assist, reach out to them for help. No matter what though, you can count on me. I’ll keep posting. And, of course, I believe that God is out there, and I believe you can count on Him too. He’ll sit with you through the hard times and help you figure things out, even if it happens over a long haul.
Now, go out and fail gracefully!
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