Oh, Americans, Canadians, British peeps, English speakers everywhere . . . what have we done?
There’s a problem. Maybe it’s leaked its way into other languages—you’ll have to excuse my lack of knowledge. However, from the few languages I have studied, I’ve noticed there’s an error in English that may have negative effects upon our day to day.
It’s the “I am.”
I did a poem on it last week, called “I Am, I Am, I Am.” The poem left me satisfied. I felt as though I had spoken well enough on the topic. However, I thought that I might want to play it safe. With a topic as impactful as this one, I didn’t want anyone to miss the message.
Plus, as a psychology loving girl, I’m happy that in this blog I can touch upon research related to this.
In English, I think we over-associate our being with things. For example, it is obvious that I am Mandy. That’s my name, title, earth life label. But when I haven’t eaten for half a day, am I hunger? Because, according to English, I am.
“I am hungry” is a common phrase. So is “I am sad.” I’m alright. I’m mad. I’m cold. I’m hot. I’m lonely. I am, I am, I am.
But how can we be all these things and still be ourselves? How could I be Sad and still be Mandy?
Sometimes I can’t. I consider myself to be, on a normal basis, a happy and upbeat person who has a few silly quirks that are usually lovable, sometimes annoying. But when I’m sad? Well, I am Sad. And sad is none of those things. Sad is downbeat and removed from any personal, unique characteristics.
I find it hard to be Mandy and to be Sad.
Maybe that’s just the condition of experiencing that emotion. I think it’s more than that. I think it’s also an affect of the language we use to express the emotion.
Ever said something out loud and then it felt more real? It became almost concrete, like an object you could hold onto. It took a place in the world because words have power.
So, it disheartens me that I must say, “Thumbs down to you, English. Oh, my love, how you’ve let me down in this instance.”
While English has us identify ourselves with feelings and state of beings, languages, such as Spanish and French, don’t. Instead of “I am,” they often use “I have.”
I have sadness. I have hunger. I have.
Of course, this isn’t the case in all circumstances—but just like my examples in English, it applies the majority of the time.
In these other languages, when people describe how they’re feeling, that feeling is not proclaimed as their identity. It is recognized as a possession. They have it, but they aren’t it. They are greater than their anger, hunger, sadness.
This slight detachment gives room for hope.
Although it’s uncommon in English, I’ve tried to change my phrasing. “I am not sad—I have sadness.” Sometimes I even add on that “I have sadness right now.” I have it, but I’m not it and to my great pleasure, I will not always have it.
Alongside hope, this tweak in phrasing has helped me develop a more responsible mindset. Instead of feeling helpless every single time I feel sad, I have more moments where I feel in control. I can still live the life I want to live, do the things I want to do, and enable the good I want to come.
Studies have shown that verbalizing emotions helps us process them, so it makes sense that how we speak about feelings affects how we process them. Researchers recognize more and more that language has a role in emotions and our perception of them.
Although I do not pretend that I have specific science to backup the difference between the phrases “I am” versus “I have,” changing my phrasing to the latter has helped given me the space to think about how I feel, process it more easily, and develop a sense of calm in times that I could have slipped into emotional turmoil.
So, I am not sad, I am not happy, I am not hungry. I am Mandy, a girl who has many feelings, but none of them own her. She owns them.
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