Welcome to life. Each person’s place of birth determines expectations set upon them, but in every destination, one will likely experience the following:
- A need for oxygen
- Bodily requirements for food and water
- Interactions with other humans.
As a Homo sapien, I am well acquainted with these items. Not all humans have access to the basics, but fortunately I do. That said, basics or no basics, humans can’t avoid difficulties—and difficulties don’t have boundaries. They see a passerby and do they give them space? Let them make their journey alone? No. Seldom does this happen.
Difficulties try to nudge their way in until they can join for at least a part of the journey. Most times they’ll be so intrusive that they smoosh next to us in the driver’s seat and take control of the steering wheel. Because I strive for kindness, even to these unwanted companions, it’s not uncommon for me to let them stay longer than necessary. That, and most times I can’t figure out how to get them to leave.
This happens. No one wants to invite the bully to walk them to school, but there are times when the tormentor traps the victim. The victim can’t get out.
As an adult, I became familiar with a more erroneous situation than this: the bully disappears and the victim creates conflict for themselves. And what does the victim use for inspiration? Interactions with other humans.
Nothing would be bothering me, but suddenly I’d see a person I met in church that one time and stress appeared. What do I do? Look away? Start a conversation? Invite them into my home and give all my belongings to them?
A smile. A smile will do.
And sometimes that smile didn’t cause stress, but many times I ended up overanalyzing everything: Do I say hi now or wait? They’re too far away; I’ll look away until they’re closer. Okay, should I look back and wave hi now, or did I just make things awkward by looking away? Could they tell I was pretending not to see them—“Hi!” Oh no, I got distracted and I think I made an odd face at them. I hope they couldn’t tell. I hope it looked like I was smiling.
Engaging in a conversation with a mere acquaintance challenged me as well. What topics should we cover? Did we cover those things last [week] [month] [year]? Did they even remember our last conversation? How long should we keep talking?
Finally, I cannot forget all the uncomfortable moments when close friends felt like strangers. Maybe I saw them the day before, but suddenly they seemed distant—too formal. Did I do something? Were they going through something? What did I do? What happened to them?
Humanity requires human interaction. This requirement inflicts stress upon many people, myself included. Simply, it’s stressful to be human.
I’ve looked at dogs with kind owners and wondered at the animal’s bliss. So little seems to be expected of them. They don’t have to say the right thing, at the right time, in the right place, to the right person, in the right way.
Or write a good post, hone in on the most relevant subject, put it up at the perfect time, stay consistent in quality and quantity, and figure it all out with little to no help.
Bleh.
Why does humanity come so unnaturally to some? Or does it come unnaturally to all?
Why do we assume it comes naturally to anyone?
The stress of humanity is not only that we have to interact with other humans, but we have to interact with other humans that seem to have it all figured out. The sun glints off their effortless smiles as they pass others on the street, their contributions to a conversation come without stutter or pause, and they reach out endearingly if a friend has closed themselves off. Some might view them as human gods—leaders of mankind.
But human gods don’t exist. (Unless Percy Jackson & the Olympians had it right. In which case, I’d like to be reconsidered for the camp.)
The stress of humanity had a hold on me for a long time. However, I found a way to escape it. Now, if anything, this stress and I will link pinky fingers once in a while, maybe hold hands, but it does not cram into the driver’s seat with me like it used to.
Why?
Because the space stress used to occupy is taken up by something else.
Confidence.
Self-confidence.
And confidence doesn’t give up its seat easily.
It reminds me that my desire to say hi to others is good. It reminds me that if I say something awkward, others likely won’t care or will forget about it quickly. And it reminds me that if others do react negatively toward me, their reaction does not determine my worth. I am still the same woman who desired to be kind and friendly.
Ultimately, self-confidence does not tell me I’m better than others. It does not tell me I’m perfect and have no need of improvement. It does tell me that I have value. I have worth. And others’ reactions toward me do not determine how much of that value and worth I have.
Every person’s value and worth is infinite, and it exists constantly, whether another person validates that or not.
Gaining this self-confidence assists me in noticing how my good deeds are good deeds. My human interactions contain flaws, but people are used to flawed things. Most don’t blink an eye at an awkward moment.
Self-confidence has led me to more “hellos” on the street, more conversations, and more moments of putting myself out there socially. As my stress-free human interactions have increased, I’ve had times of selflessness that unlocked my ability to observe. I’ve noticed when others have felt like a thorn among a wad of cotton. Their fears of harmfully sticking out did not take hours to notice.
It happens to be a fear of most people. And I say most because it’s wise for a writer to avoid generalizations. In this case, “most” means nearly every single person on earth.
As mentioned above, we all have to interact with other humans. So, almost all of us have this stress of humanity. When we recognize this, we will get more comfortable in any crowd we’re in because we will know we’re not alone. Add in some self-confidence, some remembrances of personal worth and value, and suddenly the stress starts to dissipate.
It takes time to overcome this. There are people who will need extra help from specialists and other resources. There’s no shame in getting a boost up if no one ever taught you to climb—or if you had a hard time developing the skill. The learning will come, but it takes time, and there’s nothing wrong with enjoying the view from up above while you learn.
The stress of humanity may never disappear permanently. Like I said, it may reappear here and there. So, when it does come by again, acknowledge it’s there. Maybe catch up with the old frenemy. But do not give up confidence’s seat.
Read MRC 